By: Kimberly Harkey
There’s no denying there’s a rise in individuals self-diagnosing with Autism and ADHD (or both: AuDHD). It seems to be happening for a number of reasons. One reason is that researchers and medical professionals have historically focused on white, high income individuals when diagnosing Autism and ADHD, many BIPOC individuals, women, non-binary individuals, and middle/lower income individuals have had to research on their own and self-diagnose. Another contributing factor for m a rising number of adults self-diagnosing is increasing knowledge of what ASD and ADHD can look like in individuals who aren’t white, rich males due to TikTok and other social media platforms. Many are tired of struggling and start to take it upon themselves to figure out an explanation for why they feel different or why things feel so hard. But after a self-diagnosis what’s next? Many go to see a therapist to try to figure out next steps.
What Can You Expect from a Therapist?
As a therapist, if someone comes in with a self-diagnosis of Autism or ADHD, I am always excited to hear about their journey to coming to that conclusion. Many have done hours of research across all different platforms and have no questions about their self-diagnosis. Some come in curious to learn more about ADHD, Autism, or AuDHD after seeing an intriguing video or hearing feedback from a friend. They haven’t done further research yet and want to learn more and process with their therapist. Both are great places to start in therapy and your therapist will have a different approach based on where you are at and what you are looking for. What you can expect from a neurodivergent affirming therapist is unconditional positive regard – the fancy therapist words for being accepting. Your therapist isn’t there to debate your self-diagnosis. A client centered, culturally competent therapist will offer a safe space to process your journey to getting this self-diagnosis.
Pro tip: If you don’t already have a therapist, searching for a neurodiversity affirming therapist can make all the difference. Some directories will let you search for that directly and others may allow you to search for a therapist that specializes in ADHD/ASD.
But how can a therapist help?
Normalizing Your Experience in Self-Diagnosing
You’ve done the research and you’re still questioning your self-diagnosis. So often, people feel confident when reading the criteria or identifying with a TikTok, but are hesitant to confidently proclaim your self-diagnosis of ADHD or Autism around professionals or around family that might challenge them. I often hear people say ‘If I really had Autism, I’d be suffering more,’ or ‘If I really had Autism, someone would have noticed before now, right?” Your mind finds ways to doubt yourself to protect you from criticism. You’re used to having to fight just to be seen. You find yourself masking again, being quiet to avoid attention. You’ve spent your whole life trying to fit in and shouting an Autism/ADHD diagnosis from the rooftops feels so counter to all your efforts to fit in. And yet, it also feels healing. You feel the relief of being able to be who you are without pretending. You feel free to talk about your special interests without fear of being judged. You feel justified in choosing friends that are also neurodivergent and are accepting of people however they show up.
Processing Your Experience of Living in a Neurotypical World
Accepting your neurodivergence usually goes hand in hand in recognizing that you are living in a world designed for neurotypicals. You may have grief to process about how hard life has been to not know this about yourself and trying to get by without any accommodations. You may feel angry at the injustice that the world isn’t built for neurodivergent folks. You may feel ready to start trying to create change and expand what we see as the norm.
The therapy room with a neurodivergent affirming therapist is the perfect place to begin to sort through all of your feelings. You and your therapist can also start working together to figure out how you can live your life in a world that works for your unique brain.
Discussing the Purpose of the DSM and Diagnosing
Most mental health professionals know that the DSM has its limitations. We acknowledge that it cannot possibly perfectly describe every individual’s experience. Knowing it isn’t perfect leaves us to focus on the purpose of it and why we are using it. As mental health professionals, we diagnose for a few main reasons:
- To help an individual understand their experience and validate what they have been going through
- To inform our approach and help us know the best way we can help you to not waste your time or energy
- To communicate with other professionals and insurance companies in a quick way about what a person may be experiencing
A self-diagnosis can help us most of these boxes. With your self-diagnosis, we can understand how you are viewing the world and moving through it. We can choose an approach that we know will help. We can communicate with other professionals about how you are experiencing the world. We may not send an official diagnosis to insurance until a formal evaluation is completed, but your therapist can discuss with you which diagnosis they are sending to insurance.
If you are interested, we can also explore other diagnoses with you. We can talk about diagnoses that are common alongside your self-diagnosis. We can talk about diagnoses that are commonly mistaken for Autism or ADHD. We can have a collaborative conversation with you to help you understand yourself better. Not to persuade or confront you, but to explore.
Planning Next Steps
Many are unsure if they want to continue to formal assessment for ADHD or ASD (Autism) or if they feel good about stopping at self-diagnosis. Sometimes, self-diagnosis is all you need to feel valid in your identity, understand yourself, and start to live a life that works for your brain. Formal diagnosis is not always needed.
Some people may want to learn more about ADHD or Autism from their therapists. A therapist can provide psycho-education to help a client gain further understanding. A therapist may also be able to screen for common co-occurring diagnoses or rule out other diagnoses that you are considering.
A therapist can also talk about the possibility of pursuing formal testing. Formal testing can be done by Therapists, Psychologists, or other mental health professionals. We may talk through a few of the common pros and cons of a formal assessment and diagnosis:
Pros:
- Can provide validation of your experience
- Can help you access accommodations at school or work
Cons:
- Cost can be high, especially if your insurance does not cover it, you have a high deductible plan, or don’t have insurance
- Stigma around Autism and ADHD still exists. You may not be able to get accommodations with it. You may face discrimination because of the diagnosis.
Your therapist can help you weigh all of these and then make a decision that matches you and your values. If you decide to move forward with an assessment, your therapist may be able to help you with referrals to a psychologist that specializes in ADHD or Autism testing.
Conclusion
Navigating the world of self-diagnosis can be both empowering and overwhelming. For those who have taken the step to understand themselves better through a self-diagnosis of Autism, ADHD, or AuDHD, seeking therapy can be a crucial next step. It’s a space where your journey is acknowledged and valued, and where you can explore your experiences in depth. A neurodivergent affirming therapist offers a supportive environment, free from judgment, where you can discuss your self-diagnosis, process your emotions, and consider your options moving forward.
Whether you choose to pursue formal assessment or continue with self-diagnosis, therapy can help you validate your experiences and navigate life in a neurotypical world with greater ease. By working collaboratively with your therapist, you can gain deeper insights into your neurodivergence, explore co-occurring conditions, and make informed decisions about your path forward.
Remember, the goal of therapy is not just about fitting into a box or meeting a diagnostic criterion, but about understanding yourself and finding ways to thrive in a world that may not always accommodate your unique needs. Your self-diagnosis is a valid and important step in this journey, and therapy can be a valuable partner in helping you live a fulfilling and authentic life.
For additional insights and support, consider exploring “Neurotribes” by Steve Silberman and “Unmasking Autism” by Devon Price. These resources offer valuable perspectives and information that can further enrich your understanding of neurodiversity and your own experiences.
In the end, the most important thing is to find what works best for you and to seek out the support that aligns with your needs and values. Your path to self-understanding is uniquely yours, and with the right tools and support, you can navigate it with confidence and clarity.
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