By: Kimberly Harkey
So often, people come to therapy right after receiving an Autism diagnosis. They’ve done an evaluation, received a diagnosis, and had their whole world turned upside down. Suddenly, it feels like they don’t know themselves at all.* The rug gets ripped out from under them. They are handed a piece of the puzzle in getting to know themselves, but also told that some of the pieces they have put in the puzzle may have been forced to fit where they didn’t quite fit. Now they have a path ahead to figure out which pieces fit naturally and which ones they made fit where they weren’t supposed to. In that moment, there are lots of helpful books, but Is This Autism by Donna Henderson, Jamell White, and Sarah Wayland is my number one recommendation. (She even mentions in her book that Autism is often Autistic people’s special interest, so this may just be one of many to jump into!)
*** Just want to add this is clearly not everyone’s experience after a diagnosis. Some people feel ease, relief, and an instant sensation of knowing themselves better. Reactions vary and there is no right way to react.
Is this Autism? can be a great guide in getting to know yourself better. The book goes through the DSM criteria for diagnosing Autism and dives into how the criteria show up in both obvious and not so obvious ways. The mental health field has traditionally defined Autism by how it shows up for well resourced, white males. This book helps expand those definitions by giving examples from people of all races, genders, and resource levels. It does particularly focus on examples from people who have a “less obvious presentation.” So, it is often most helpful for individuals diagnosed late in life.
How It Helps you Rebuild your Puzzle
Breaking down Stereotypes and Expanding Perspectives
The book provides a wide array of examples for each criteria. People seem likely to know what Autism looks like when it shows up as Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory. If you’ve just received a diagnosis, but don’t identify with Sheldon Cooper, the book is a great place to start figuring out ways that Autism shows up for you. How does your unique brain work?
In each chapter, they break down what the clinical terms for the criteria mean. People often hear about how people with Autism don’t make eye contact. If I had a penny for every time I heard a client say a doctor told them they don’t have Autism because they make eye contact, I could retire right now in a charming beachside resort. (OK. Not quite, but close enough.) Is It Autism expands what it can look like to struggle with nonverbal communication by listing examples with quotes from humans with Autism.
“Much of daily discomfort arises from being hyper-aware of my body. I find I must manually ‘put everything in the right place.’ The eyes should be focused, the hands should be still, and the body should look relaxed; none of it is automatic, and it’s always distractingly uncomfortable.”
-Fabian B.
You can see why trying to complete your neurodivergent puzzle in a neurotypical world was TOUGH! You thought your puzzle pieces had to fit together to show the same picture as a neurotypical puzzle, but they don’t. You get the opportunity to figure out what how socializing (and everything else in life) feels best to you: what amount, with who, when. You get to pick all the details.
Helping you Feel Truly Seen
So often, Autistics feel a sense of otherness that they can’t quite explain before the diagnosis. Maybe you’re always felt different. The authors do such a great job of including stories and examples of all the different ways that each DSM criteria can look. If you’ve had a hard time seeing how Autism shows up for you, this book is a great place to start. Reading through the plentiful quotes from people with Autism, you’re likely to feel seen, to feel a sense of community and know that you aren’t alone.
You can let that big sigh or relief out. Knowing why you are the way you are can feel so freeing. All the constant pressure to be like everyone else is exhausting. It won’t instantly go away reading this book (if I find the magic wand to make it go away, I promise to share!), but you might find yourself feeling a little lighter, giving yourself permission to stim in public, to take breaks to regulate your nervous system. You might find some freedom in recognizing your brain works differently AND all the things you’ve thought were wrong with you are just a different way of brains functioning.
Helping you see your strengths
I usually start by recommending this book because it can help individuals explore all the different ways Autism shows up for them. In a lot of circles that conversation starts with the deficits, the things that are tough for Autistics. This book does begin by going through the DSM criteria that are more deficit based, but it also highlights common Autistic strengths throughout and has a whole section dedicated to strengths at the end. Some people feel a little down after a diagnosis. You get the wind blown out of you and your understanding of the world turned upside down. Your brain focuses on all the things the psychologists perceived about you in a negative way. But what if they also saw your strengths?
The book dives into a variety of areas that Autistics excel at, including fine tuned sensory intake, pattern recognition, consistency, and intense interests. The examples may affirm strengths you have already recognized yourself or help you to identify ways to leverage the way your brain works into strengths. You get to choose how to build your puzzle and to do it in a way that works for your unique brain.
Conclusion
Receiving an Autism diagnosis can feel like being handed a map in a language you’re just beginning to understand. Is This Autism? offers a compassionate and comprehensive translation—one that honors both the challenges and the strengths of being Autistic. It doesn’t just tell you what Autism can look like; it invites you to see yourself more clearly, more kindly, and more fully. Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed, relieved, or still trying to make sense of it all, this book can be a powerful companion as you begin to rebuild your puzzle—not by forcing the pieces to fit, but by discovering how beautifully they were meant to fit all along.
You’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re learning a new language for who you’ve always been.
Roseate Therapy 
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